Introductory words according to Dakota, SHE II, and Raven Vanguard’s third member, also known as Sloth
Today, for our Weekly Once-Over, we bring to you for the second time, the wondrous Bhakti Sharma. Today, we pass the mic to someone of thoughtfulness, integrity, and imagination.
For me, her topic at hand is all too fitting for the week of Thanksgiving. A week of gathering and family, of food and conversation. Conversation that specifically, almost always, veers into categories of disapproval, questioning the future, confronting relationships new and old, life choices. (Not to cancel out all of the delicious food, positive conversation, and general happiness.) I know that over the years there have been times where sitting with ‘family,’ my career choice has been questioned, my ex’s have been overly discussed, an older family member alienates me for my hair color and “bull” nose ring, aka my septum piercing. And the like. That being said, those closest to me have always spoken words similar to the ones communicated below. Words that are of acceptance and understanding. Words that are inspiring and uplifting. Words that help you to understand that being different is not taboo, but in fact a special and frankly awesome trait to have. Rock on weirdos.
And with that, I shall hand this platform over to Bhakti Sharma, a woman of resonating words. Words I am thankful for.
Words according to Bhakti Sharma, Professor, Diva, Brown Sugar Purveyor, and no connection whatsoever to Raven Vanguard
Dear nieces of great women all around the world and my sweet Annie,
This is an open letter to all the nieces and young girls who are growing up in our world today. This is a very private narrative but one that needs sharing with all our nieces and daughters. Perhaps, I would not be able to write this letter for my own daughter. But I know my sentiments will not change when we are crossing that bridge.
So here… humor me and read my long letter, my sweet Annie.
Let us start by defining the word weird. In the general sense, ‘to weird out’ someone means to ‘induce a sense of disbelief or alienation in someone.’ But mostly, it is used as an adjective to suggest something that is supernatural or uncanny. And in the present-day climate and language of insecurity, it has become a buzzword to write someone off- someone who makes us uncomfortable.
You and I are both too young to remember the Apple commercial ‘here’s to the crazy ones.’ So, I will quote this here.
“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels. The troublemakers. The problem child. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. You can quote them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you cannot do is ignore them. Because they change things.”
The crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the weirdos, the ones who can see things differently will always be demeaned by our peers, our friends (even though in jest), and maybe also stopped by our teachers and parents. Not because you are the weird one, but because you make them step out of their comfort zone because you push them to think things differently than what is the only way that they can think, and maybe because it is not normal?
Which brings me to my next point. Define normal. No one can. Normal is a subjective term. Normal is relative to the standard it is conforming to. So, when we start being called the weird one for not conforming to a sub-par standard of ‘normal,’ that makes people very uncomfortable. The opposite of normal is not abnormal. It is distinct. It is unique. It is individual. It is contrasting. It is discrete. But it is not abnormal, my dear young girl.
The society has a norm… several, in fact. Gender inequality, patriarchy, violence against women, pay gap, and I have not even started to exert my brain yet to come up with more norms. So, when society begins to dictate what is a norm and what makes one weird and another a genius, I don’t think I am buying into that theory and ready to call BS (as I consistently practice). It is fundamentally flawed. But that does not mean that we forget our values, our ethics, and our traditions, how we have been brought up, what we hold true for, and what makes us our true authentic self.
And society and people have opinions. Good for them. The problem arises when we make their views the be all end all. Opinions are not facts, they are not truths, and most of all, they are not the yardstick by which we should measure ourselves. And that’s that.
Do you want to grow up to be a sum total of society’s opinions? Do you want to grow up to be your authentic self or a version of the authentic selves of your friends and family? Or do you want to grow up to be YOU? Take it from someone who says it as it is, who suffers bullshit poorly, and who has created her own rules and her own normal.
Now, by staying true to your authentic self and by being kind to yourself and others, you may end up with fewer friends, may get frustrated because other people cannot understand your revolutionary (for them) ideas, and may want to roll your eyes a lot more. That is OK. Friends that were there just to make you feel bad are only crowd. And if you want to be your authentic self, you need to learn crowd control. You may need to create your own boundaries for others and yourself. Now, rolling your eyes may not get you far and may even lose a few friends along the way. (I mastered this, unbeknownst to me). I still roll my eyes… but in my head.
So, if you want to write… write.
If you want to cook… cook.
If you want to read…read.
But whatever you do…make sure that it is you. Make sure that it is not a version of you. Make your own choices in the light of your values, your wisdom, and your self-made rules.
And finally, but most importantly, do not ever apologize for being yourself. Do not be sorry for being you. Be thankful instead. Be grateful for your authentic self that I am so blessed to call my niece.
Love,
Maasi (Like mom)